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May 19 2018

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god my neighbor just called me and she’s like… is this your chicken in our driveway… like who else has a chicken in this neighborhood yes it’s my chicken… so i get over there and kylo hen is chilling in their driveway eating some specs and stuff and there’s this actual crowd of people around her and i’m like… hi sorry mb let me get her… and oh my god… they’re like do you need us to call someone?? should we get help?? how should we do this?? do you need a net? like bitch it’s a chicken not a fucking komodo dragon. so i just… i was kind of joking around so i crouched down and patted my thighs and all the chickens are trained to come to me on sight because me = food… so i got down there and went “here girl!! come here!!” and the chicken comes running over and this group of actual adult ass individuals were staring at me like i was the fucking pied piper… and i didn’t know what to say…. so i just kind of walked back to my yard with the chicken following me and none of them moved or said a damn word and i think i literally just convinced them this chicken is trained like a dog…

your chicken’s name is kylo hen

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need this on my blog k



So many people confuse being irresponsible with being fun and having self-control with being boring

Piping hot tea because some of y'all really think it’s cute to be out here casually ruining your health and lives


when it’s 3 am and you’re alone with your thoughts



i’ll never understand why we don’t call countries the names they actually call themselves 

like, i know this is a weeaboo-sounding example, but let’s start with Japan. They call themselves Nippon or Nihon depending on… i guess, the speaker’s accent??? or their level of formality while speaking??? I dunno. But we still called them Zipangu for like a few hundred years. And now we call them Japan. 

All because Marco Polo asked someone in China about that island over there and they said “oh that’s Cipangu” and Marco Polo was like “Oh, Zipangu, cool.” And then he went back to Italy and said “Y’ALL THERE’S THIS DOPE-ASS ISLAND CALLED ZIPANGU” and people back in Italy were like “An island called Giappone? Dope.” 

And this pattern of people mishearing people kept repeating until we got to “Japan.” 

And we still call them Japan even though we know better. Because fuck you, Marco Polo asked the wrong person 500 years ago and misheard them and we’re sticking to that, I guess. 

that was literally just the world’s worst game of telephone

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love too big for she goddamn heart

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Has anyone added the original yet????



I love living in the future with advanced technology. It’s so great how I can just press a button on a machine and it will splutter hot, fresh coffee outwards at a horizontal angle onto my uniform, completely missing my cup. It saves me the convenience of spilling it on myself through human error.

Douglas Adams ghostwrote this


me every time i go swimming: what if I was a mermaid


acne prone skin? here’s a video of our model who has never had a blemish in her entire life using our products! what a testimony! that’ll be £99 for our unique mix of parabens & alcohol!


acne prone skin? here’s a video of our model who has never had a blemish in her entire life using our products! what a testimony! that’ll be £99 for our unique mix of parabens & alcohol!

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bruhhhhhh lmaoo

Even the dolphin looks a little uncomfortable, lol

^^^^ right lol i look at the dolphins eye and i cant stop laugh now😭💀


people said the world ending in 2012 was fake but has anyone felt alive since then ?

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